Undivided

Undivided: not divided, separated, or broken into parts. ///  Divided: split, not united.

About a week ago, I was in Los Angeles, California at a conference called Campus Harvest. The theme of the conference was “Undivided: living a life of undivided love, life, and Lord.” I’m going to attempt to give you a snapshot of the amazing ways God worked on this trip, but my words are feeble and can hardly explain the greatness of this experience with our living God.

I left Corvallis, Oregon with 50 other college students on a bus at midnight Thursday the 20th. We drove all night and FINALLY arrived in LA around 4pm Friday afternoon. We had a little bit of time to clean up, and then we headed right to the conference! The night started in a powerful way with enthusiastic worship and praise. Then came some testimonies. This was incredibly cool-they were recorded testimonies put to dance. No one in my group really knew, but my testimony was the first to be played. It said:

I grew up with a father who was there, but anything but present. Work was his first priority and I was just a bother, an afterthought, something that interfered. I wanted him to notice me. I tried over and over to gain his attention, his affection and his love. As I grew up, I found new ways to get the attention I longed for. I ran to men to fill me. In the moment, it made me feel wanted, safe, desired, even loved. But afterward, feelings of guilt, shame, and abandonment worse than ever would attack over and over like the ocean and it’s never ending waves against the shore. I lived in this circular pattern for years. The names and faces changed, but the pattern was there, repeating itself over and over leaving a path of destruction. I gave myself over and over again thinking ‘this guy is different’, but it never was.

Then I met a new guy. One who lived years and years ago, the son of God. He was different. He accepted me as I was: broken and weak, lost and insecure, alone and searching. He took me in, healed me and made me whole in Him. He showed me who He created me to be: His precious child, His beloved, His DAUGHTER! He set me on a new path, a path of victory as I follow Him and let him be the guide to my life and love.

 

Sharing this testimony was incredibly hard to do. Sharing this part of my story isn’t something I volunteer to do. But God has been working on those parts of my heat. This is HIS STORY-one of redemption, healing, and victory. After the speaker on Friday night, there was an after-party. I found the girl who danced to my testimony and I told her, “that was my testimony you danced to. Thank you! That was so beautiful.” She was touched, hugged me and thanked me for sharing, as it was her story too. It amazes me how God brings people together like that. At the after party, we ate, drank, and were merry. There was a taco truck, mexican goodies galore, and music blaring which had to be danced to!

Grace City ladies at the after-party

Saturday morning we woke up early and were at the church by 8:30! We had a full day of speakers, include Seth Trimmer representing Grace City. There were seminars and different sessions we could attend. The experience overall was so eye-opening. I am from California-diversity isn’t new to me. But how I had forgotten after living in WHITE Oregon for 6 years. I was in awe of the color and culture represented all over the room. God is alive and well in all of these people and cultures, and I thought that was absolutely beautiful.

Saturday night is the highlight of the trip for me for sure. There was a time of worship and response. A bunch of people were baptized, including 3 people from Grace City! Sometimes during worship, I like to quiet my spirit and simply watch other worship God. I find that to be a beautiful way to worship God. As I was standing there joyfully taking in all that was going on around me, I felt a woman approach me. She told me sweet truths about how much I have been through and how God has been preparing me for something huge. She told me this is the time. She quoted Isaiah 60:1, “Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.” I instantly burst into tears. I was overwhelmed. She prayed for me and walked away almost as quickly as she came. I made my way to the back of the room and couldn’t help but raise my hands and dance around. God awoke my spirit in a whole new way that night. I cannot wait to see how God will use me, my story, and my willingness in His Kingdom. 

Sunday we attended church at the same church we had been meeting at for the conference. Then we enjoyed a delightful day in Santa Monica and the Pier. We did a lot of walking! One of the things that shocked me while I was in LA was the amount of trash all over the place-on the roads, on the streets, sidewalks, the beach-everything. I can’t help but be eco-friendly, so it really stood out to me! I also got to have one of the best burgers of my life! it was a gluten free grass-fed beef burger. I was pretty much in heaven!

Some of the beautiful ladies I got to spend time with

Grace City at Santa Monica Pier

After a delightful day at the beach, we came back to the hotel and had a debrief. Second to my experience Saturday night, this was one of my favorite parts of the trip. I was in a group with mostly new people to me. People I hadn’t interacted with much over the course of the trip so far. This was a really cool experience for me because I got to hear how God worked within their hearts. We had some really amazing conversations about things we saw the Holy Spirit doing within us and around us. As the night started getting later, I found myself sitting on the second floor lobby on the floor having an awesome conversations with about 10 other people. It was like sweet honey and it left us all feeling totally jazzed on God.

On Monday, we drove south on the 5 to Long Beach, California. We arrived on the campus of California State: Long Beach. We set out to do something called “the God-test.” This was basically a way to interact with people to see where they stand with God and share your testimony or truth from the Bible. I approached a few people, and started conversations, but most people had to leave to get to class or catch their bus. This was making me feel pretty discouraged. Then my partner and I prayed that God would lead us to someone we really needed to talk to. The next person we talked to was a girl who was just getting back into faith and attending church again. She said it was such a blessing and encouragement that we spoke to her. God totally answered OUR prayer and HERS!

Just as we were finishing up with the God test, we were walking back to the meeting area. As we approached, we heard yelling and all sorts of commotion. There was a few people “preaching” and another group yelling at people for their sin, carrying signs saying “You deserve Hell” I saw these people preaching and I was instantly drawn in. There was a man talking about how there should be one man and one woman. A girl from the crowed yelled about her wanting to be with another woman. The man responded, “Do you mean to tell me that you are….a….LESBIAN?!” She proudly said she was. Instantly he started putting her down and telling her that God hated her.

I couldn’t handle what he was telling her so I instantly jumped in. I asked him to show me where in the Bible it says the God hates us. He quoted a couple random verses, taken out of context about how God will destroy people for their sin from the Old Testament. I was very angry at this point and I told him and the girl, “God does NOT hate people. God loves people.” I got up in the man’s face and was practically yelling at him. Things got kinda personal between me and him and he started asking about me. I told him I was a Christian and I was visiting from Oregon. He didn’t seem to like what I was saying. Then another person from the crowd stood up on a bench and started chanting “STOP HATE, PREACH RESPECT!” She was shaking as she yelled this into the crowd and others joined in with her. The man didn’t quite know how to get away from this so he started talking about something else. I began to see my efforts were not going anywhere, so I walked away. There is not much that makes me angry, but injustice and telling others lies about who God is makes me livid. I don’t know what came over me in this situation and I wish I would have handled it differently.

After that whole fiasco, we got back on the bus and started driving north to Oregon. We finally got back to Corvallis around 8am on Tuesday. I loved the conversations that we got to share on the bus and on the trip in general. I am overjoyed I got to go on this trip and experience all that God had for me. It was a powerful 4 days.

I’m excited to continue living my life in UNDIVIDED devotion to God. He has great plans for me. He has great plans for you. Let’s find out together what they are!

White Dress

One day, I hope to stand at the end of a long aisle waiting for my groom. I hope to wear a white dress an be all dolled up, grinning and beaming from ear to ear with joy.

I love the idea that brides wear white. It shows purity, virtue, cleanliness and so much more. I was at an event in Portland tonight, called Loveology. It was a really powerful night and I can’t wait to hear stories about how God moved.

I’ve always had a messy sexual past. I started giving myself away too young, really before I even knew what I was doing. Once it started, I felt like it didn’t matter anyway, so I kept going. Once I started caring, I felt like it was too late. So every time I got into a new relationship, I would try and try, but ultimately fail to keep purity and God in the relationship.

Last night at the event, they had a time of prayer. I stood in my spot for a while and then I decided to walk back and be prayed for. I spoke briefly to the woman who prayed for me: I told her that my past was messy (some being my fault and some being done against my will). I was feeling stuck as how to move forward from that. As I was being prayed for, tears began to stream down my face. My heart broke to hear the woman praying for me crying as well! The woman praying over me spoke about how God sees me pure and completely made clean. I saw a vision of myself wearing a beautiful white dress, frolicking about on the beach. As she spoke, I was overwhelmed with peace. I am made new by Christ. My past does not define me. It’s a story of redemption and healing.

One day, I will wear a white dress and be radiant. Maybe it will be with a man I love on earth, and maybe just celebrating in Heaven with my Daddy. Either way, I’m secure that God is bigger than anything we can possibly walk through and he is faithful in walking with us. No matter what.

Into the Darkness you Shine

About 9 months ago, I went through a breakup. I had been through breakups before, but this breakup was unlike anything I had experienced before. I felt shattered. Like someone threw a ball into a glass window and just left the pieces. I was completely broken and really uncertain if I would see light or feel joy ever again. I desperately tried to find answers. I would look online and talk to my friends in a desperate attempt to understand and make sense of what was happening around me. But nothing helped.

About 1 week after the breakup, I took a trip to Bend. I went exploring in the Lava Caves with some friends. I learned something new about myself: darkness and closed spaces are not friends of mine. The cave started out pretty big, but as it went on, the ceiling got shorter and shorter. Eventually, it reached a point where you had to crawl on your hands and knees to keep going. By this point, I had kind of had enough so I decided to turn around. The rest of the group kept going, leaving me with 1 very small flashlight in a very dark cave.

At first I just stood there, thinking I would wait for the rest of the group. Then the darkness set it. I was terrified. I was alone. There was nothing but silence surrounding me. All these things combined lead me to mildly freak out. Then I started singing, “Our God is greater, Our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other…” At the time, singing in a dark cave seemed reasonable. I started walking towards the exit of the cave, which at this point seemed like miles and miles away. One small family with a little child walked passed me. I asked them if I could walk with them because they had a lantern. They said I could! So I was walking with this family, but they were walking slowly and anxiety was welling up inside me.

I passed the family and ended up walking alone in the dark again. In the dark, God spoke to me. “Sarah, right now it seems really dark. It seems like you are never going to get out of this cave. You have a small flashlight and you can only see what is directly in front of your feet. You will get out. Trust me.” In the moment, God was calming my fears about the cave, but his words had so much more meaning than just getting out of the cave. Those words gave me hope that I would be okay. That I would get past this situation AND that God was going to use it for something.

So here I am, 9 months later. It has still been hard some days, but I am so very thankful for having to walk this road. I couldn’t be more joyful for where God has me now and the opportunities he has given me lately.

Into the darkness you shine, out of the ashes we rise.

There is no one like you. None like you.

Conversations of Faith

A few years ago, I went on a trip to Utah to work with Mormons. If you want to read more about that you can read part 1 here and part 2 here. Since that trip, I have had a desire to sit down with other people of faith and have conversation about beliefs.

My first experience with Mormons was in junior high. I was invited to a dance at the LDS church. My next experience was in Utah on the trip with my college group. This term, I am taking a religions class. We had the opportunity to pick a religious group for our research paper. I knew instantly I wanted to do my paper about Mormons. That is when my passion was ignited again.

While working on my paper, I found my interest growing. I went onto the LDS church website and requested the book of mormon. For a while now, I have wanted to read this book. The next day, some missionaries came to my door, but I wasn’t home. They came again the next day and the day after. My roommates finally gave them my contact information and they called me the next day to make arrangements to meet up.

On Monday night, I (and my friend Crystal) went to the LDS church close to campus. We got a short tour of the building and then met with 2 sister missionaries and 1 missionary in training. We had a pleasant conversation about what we think about the Holy Ghost (Holy Spirit) and modern-day prophets. I went into the meeting with so many questions and I left with so many more. Tomorrow, I am meeting up with them again! I’m so excited to converse with them. 

Delight

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and will help you. Psalm 37:4-5

 

I’m a person who always looks at what is next. For me, there are SO many exciting things coming up in the next couple months. Graduation, internships, new relationships, opportunities, summer weather, and so many more! As excited as I am, I don’t want to miss what I have going on right now. God has exciting plans for my future, but what about my present? His plans for my present are JUST as exciting as His plans for my future. I don’t want to miss what he is doing now!

Lately, I have been filled with hope. Hope for God’s good plans for me, his plans for you, and being patient as he accomplishes them. Hope for the days, although they are filled with rain here in the Pacific Northwest, sunshine is coming. And when it comes, it will be beautiful.

Delight is defined as, “great pleasure; happiness, joy, glee, thrill, gladness”

I want to delight in what God has given me now. What do you think God is calling you to delight in?