When I was in junior high, I first began to battle depression. At the time, I think it looked more like “punk” and rebellion, but as I look back I can see the battle beginning there. This is a battle I have gone up and down on for years. I went through counseling, suicide attempts, anger, hopelessness, despair, and many nights of tears and desperation for answers. A couple years ago, I started praying for my own healing, and God answered. I experienced relief. But as I became complacent, I think God needed to wake me up. He brought depression back into my life. I felt abandoned, alone, and hopeless. Since it came up again, I have been praying and praying about it and how I had been feeling in my life. This is where my story really begins.
Last night I attended the 6pm Solid Rock service at the Westside in Portland, OR. I had been to Solid Rock the previous week and I was excited to listen again to the teachings from the book of Mark. The service was about healing. I go back and forth in my head all the time, “I know God can heal me, maybe he just doesn’t want to” or “HE IS GOING TO HEAL ME!” or “maybe God just wants me to suffer through this.” I’m really all over the place with my thoughts. I began to realize that I was doubting God. If I really believe in God, his power, and his promises of truth, then I need to believe He can heal me and that he will.
God IS powerful and he really can DO ALL THINGS. All we need to do is believe.
Mark 9:23 “ ‘If you can’?’ said Jesus. ‘Everything is possible for one who believes.'”
I needed to come in expectation that God would meet me and heal me. Finally. They had people during worship praying along the corner walls. I fought with myself for a little bit about walking back there. But I finally did. I had to wait a few minutes for a woman to become available to pray, but I am glad I did. She spoke truth over me and renounced the lies that I had been believing for way too long. She laid her hand on my head and spoke about the parable of the Shepherd who leads his lost sheep and even goes to the mountain, leaves the rest of the group just to get the lost one (Luke 15:1-7). She prayed over my shame and guilt for my past. I simply told her I was feeling hopeless and trying to believing, but struggling to do so. God spoke directly through her. She knew things that I did not tell her! She used the exact phrases and wordings I had used in my own prayer time. She prayed for my healing of my mind and my heart. I hugged her with teary eyes and thanked her. We spoke briefly about what I experienced as she was praying for me. When I walked away from her I felt tingling on my head where her hand was laid on me. The tingling continued as I went back to my seat and began to praise God. It moved throughout the rest of my body and I began to wonder what I was experiencing. I still don’t know exactly how to explain it, but I believe I was healed. I believe God healed my mind, restored my heart, and removed the evil that was residing in my keeping me from feeling and embracing his truth and presence.
It hasn’t even been 24 hours, but I feel joyful and full of hope. As I drove home, I blasted praise music, danced, and sung at the top of my lungs. I opened my sunroof and embraced the wind and evening air. I felt free. I felt like my chains had been broken. I felt relief like NEVER before.
In the passage we read at Solid Rock that evening (Mark 5:21-43), verse 29 references the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years and after touching Jesus’ cloak it says, “Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.” In verse 34 Jesus tells her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”
I have been freed from my suffering. And it is all because of the power of Jesus Christ.
Joyfully Remade 