When I was in 8th grade, I wore black high top converse sneakers, black dickies, and a zip up hoodie. I had braces and long straight hair. I listened to Amy Lee, Evanescence, and Linkin Park. They were dark years. I loved to wear studded belts and bracelets. I remember applying to different high schools and being so concerned which one I would end up at.
The high school application process was intense. Nearly as intense as college applications. There were essays, interviews, and days where you would shadow at the school to get the “real experience” of being a student there. I got accepted into every private high school I applied to. I ended up going to a college preparatory school named The King’s Academy. The school I went to was not only rigorous academically, it was also a private Christian school. This environment set me up to succeed.
When I graduated high school, I wore skinny jeans and cardigans. I listened to the top 40 hits and had a short bob style haircut. I had my first job at Claire’s and I spent a majority of my time in the dance studio, church, or work. I remember applying to different colleges and feeling the pressure of this place being my new home. I HAD to to make a decision that would affect at least the next 4 years of my life.
I remember going to the christian college fair at my high school. I knew what I wanted in a college: Christian environment, small class sizes, non-required chapel, the ability to study Psychology, and somewhere far away from home. I walked up to the booth of the college I ended up attending: Corban College. Located in Salem, OR. “Oregon?,” I thought. “That’s not close to San Jose, CA…this would be a fresh start. I signed up for information, applied, and set up my visit to the school.
I got really sick the weekend I was planning to visit and was unable to make my visit 600 miles away to my future school. I got in at a few other schools, mostly in Southern California, which is where I wanted to go. That was where I always saw myself.
God had other plans.
In August 2008, I packed up 6 boxes with all my belongings and drove north to Salem, Oregon. As soon as I saw the first sign I was flooded with anxiety. “Who goes to a school they never visited!?” “What was I thinking?” I told my mom to turn the car around and go home. She kept driving. My mom pulled into the parking lot of my new dorm building and we walked inside to be greeted by my new Resident Assistant. I walked the long hallway to my new room. I walked in the room and it looked like a prison. I hated it. I knew instantly I had made a mistake.
As time went on and I settled in, I really began to feel at home. Going to Oregon was always the right choice for me. After a few years at Corban, I knew I wasn’t meant to be there anymore. In the middle of October 2010, I began to pack up my belongings and I boarded a flight back to San Jose, CA.
I wrestled with my choices. “What would this mean for me academically?” “Will I ever graduate college?” “I moved away so I wouldn’t have to come back here, and now here I am” “Did God not really lead me there?” “What does God have next for me?”
In a few short months, he would begin to show me.
I applied to Oregon State University and was accepted in December 2010. I packed up my car and drove north again to start school again. As I have been at Oregon State almost 4 years, I am always amazed at how God led me here. I would NEVER have picked this place for myself, but as I let him lead me and my life, things made more sense. It wasn’t always easy, but he was there and he was faithful and HE NEVER LEFT ME ALONE.
As you look back on your life, all the things that have happened to you. All the things you have gone through. The good, the bad, the hard, the easy and the beautiful…it all has a purpose. A purpose bigger than we can see or we can imagine. God’s plans for us are always bigger than we can ask or imagine.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9
We may not always understand, but if we trust who God is, His character and love for us, we can always step out in obedience and trust that he loves us and that his plans are for our good. They are not to abandon us, but to help us thrive.
Joyfully Remade 