Singleness & Contentment

I’m single. And this Valentine’s day I celebrated love. I celebrated with friends, roommates, and co-workers. Love is something to celebrate, despite being single or in a relationship.

I was unsure how to feel going into Valentine’s day. Honestly, I didn’t have a bad day. I had a great day. I choose to be thankful for what I have and be patient with my dreams of being in a relationship again one day.

Don’t think for one minute that I am completely content in my singleness. I’ll be the first to tell you- I am not. But what I am trying to be content in is God. His plans for me. I’m kinda really excited about the phase of life I’m in. I’m about to graduate college. My life is full of opportunity. That’s so exciting and hopeful to me! I am blessed by being single. I have MORE time to serve, love others, and work hard for the passions God has placed within my heart.

I am reading a book called Calm my Anxious Heart and it is so unbelievably good that I keep re-reading chapters over and over. It is one of those refreshing slaps in the faces, ya know? The book talks again and again (because I keep reading again and again) about how contentment in the Lord is real and true when you can be content despite your circumstances. WOW. That is how I want to be able to live: joyfully content in the Lord- no matter what is going on in my life.

To my other single friends, it’s okay to feel discontent with being single. It’s okay to long for the season of life that means having a husband, a family, and everything else. God has designed us to be in relationships with others. In the Garden of Eden, God made Eve because he saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone! I want to challenge you to trust God with those details of life. He knows your desires- they are from Him!

A lie to be covered by the snow

There is darkness on snow days. There is loneliness, pain, and shame. You wake up, excited, only to be filled with the aching feeling that you are alone. There is no one around you. Or even worse, there are people all around you, but yet you still feel alone. You feel isolated, forgotten, and unwanted.

There is a lie Satan likes us to believe.

YOU ARE ALONE

This is a huge lie. The biggest of all lies. Yes, it is SO easy to fall for, to believe. When we admit this lie to the community around us, we are welcomed with open, loving, and inviting arms. People that will walk though the dark roads together, as Christ has called us to. It doesn’t matter if it is messy, ugly, or unkept. There is beauty in the organic of walking life with others when it is messy. God blesses that. He honors that, and it delights Him. We are not alone. Not only because God is ALWAYS with us, but he has also given us a family of believers to walk along life with us.

Reach out to those you love. Come over even if they tell you not to. Community is worth the fight. Love is needed.

I don’t want to go to Oregon.

6 years ago I was a senior in high school. I was far from following God, doing my own thing quite contently. There was a Christian college fair at my high school, so I decided to go just to see what my options were. Even though I was far from God at that time, I knew going to a Christian college was the best option for me. I saw college as the “time to get my act together” and going to a Christian school was a shoe-in to get my relationship with God figured out eventually.

I walked around to different booths, gathered free college gear and asked questions to see where would be the right fit for me. And there, in a corner, I saw it. Corban College. All the way in Salem, Oregon. 600 miles away from San Jose, CA, the only place I knew as home. This place called to me like dirt to a vacuum from the beginning.

I pulled a Jonah and applied to everywhere else I could. I wanted to go to southern California. I wanted sunshine, beaches, and all the luxury that came with living in southern California. It was the ONLY place I pictured myself. I didn’t want to go to Oregon. In my mind, it was redneck, dirty, country, dark and rainy. That was not only unappealing, but absolutely terrifying.

The day came when I had to make a decision. This was so scary in so many ways. What if I made the WRONG decision? I would be forced to live with the wrong choice for the rest of my life, or at least the next four years. That’s how I saw it anyway. To make matters worse, I didn’t have a change to actually visit any of the schools I got into. I had to make a decision based on complete trust in God. I remember sitting at the dining room table with my mom on the night of April 30th, 2008. I had to make a college decision by May 1, 2008. The time was counting down and I was feeling pressured. My mom asked me where I wanted to go. I tried to hold it in, but I burst into tears and said to my mom, “I want to go to southern California, but I know God wants me to go to Oregon!” She looked at me and said, “looks like you’re going to Corban!” We both cried and hugged.

Going to Corban was such a beautiful part of my journey and my relationship with God. In my 2 and a half years there, I learned, experienced, and grew so much. And honestly, I wouldn’t change any part of that.

I NEVER thought I wanted to live in Oregon. Now that I’m there, and have been here for 6 years, there is NO WHERE else I would rather be. I love this place. I love the nature, the beauty, the community, the culture, the hipsters, the outdoorsyness, the adventure, the people, the relationships, the food, and SO much more that I don’t even know about yet. Now that I can look back, I can clearly see why God lead me here. He has strange ways that we cannot always understand, BUT he is good. And His plans are good. He is SO trustworthy.